Ask about one specific thing instead of the whole day: the best part, the funniest moment, who they played with. Children find "How was your day?" too big to answer, so you get "fine". Specific questions work better, they work best when you're relaxed and not quizzing, and bedtime is often when children finally open up. Below are 24 questions grouped by age, with a note on when to ask and what to do when the answer is still "nothing".
Why "How was your day?" gets "fine"
Psychologist Dr Linda Papadopoulos told CNBC that very wide questions "are often going to be met with 'yeah, it was fine'", and that "How was your day?" could mean 100 things. A five-year-old has to pick one of those hundred things, remember it, and put it into words, all while tired and hungry. Narrow the question and the work shrinks.
Questions work best when they ask for a memory, not a verdict. "Was it good?" can be answered in one word. "What was the loudest thing at lunch?" can't.
Questions for ages 3 to 5
Keep them concrete and about things your child can see and touch. Offer a choice if an open question stalls.
- Who did you sit next to today?
- What did you play outside? Was it fast or slow?
- What was the yummiest thing you ate?
- Did anyone make a noise that made you jump?
- Which toy did you pick first?
- What colour was the thing you made?
- Did you help anyone today? What did you do?
- If I'd been hiding in your bag, what would I have seen?
Questions for ages 5 to 7
Children this age can name feelings and pick a favourite. The first three questions below are the ones Storynite asks, and they are also the three in our guide to turning your child's day into a bedtime story.
- What was the best part of today?
- What made you laugh?
- What's something you learned?
- What was the hardest thing you did today?
- Who needed help today, and did anyone help them?
- What did the teacher say that you want to tell me?
- What game did you make up at playtime?
- What was the most boring part? What would you change?
Questions for ages 7 to 10
Older children want to be treated as people with opinions. Questions about choices, fairness and plans get longer answers than questions about facts.
- What's something you did today that you're proud of?
- Was there a moment you weren't sure what to do? What did you decide?
- What did someone say today that stuck in your head?
- What's the funniest thing you heard all week?
- Who would you pick to sit with at lunch tomorrow, and why?
- What was unfair today? What would fair have looked like?
- If you could redo one moment, which would it be?
- What are you looking forward to tomorrow, and is there anything you're dreading?
Why this works
Specific questions are easier to answer, and how you respond matters too. Researchers use the term elaborative reminiscing for talking about past events in a detailed, open-ended, collaborative way. In a 2016 review in Current Directions in Psychological Science, Karen Salmon and Elaine Reese describe evidence that this style of conversation supports children's autobiographical memory, language and socioemotional development.
Some of the strongest evidence is from training studies. In a 2007 study in Child Development, Reese and Newcombe trained mothers of toddlers (about 1.5 to 2.5 years old) to reminisce in this way. Children of trained mothers gave richer memories than children of untrained mothers, both soon after and a year later. A follow-up reported in 2022 found that, at age 15, those children told more coherent stories about turning points in their lives and reported fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety. The original study had 115 families, and fewer were followed up at 15, so treat this as promising, not proven. It also tested a trained conversation style, not a particular list of questions.
So ask, then follow up on what they say. "What did it look like?" and "What happened next?" do more than moving on to the next question.
"What was the best part?" is a gratitude-style prompt. The gratitude research, such as Froh, Sefick and Emmons (2008), was done with early adolescents (11 to 14). It doesn't show that the question improves wellbeing in a four-year-old, so ask it for the good answers it gets.
When to ask
- Not straight after school. Many children are tired and hungry then. Give them a snack and some quiet first.
- Side by side, not face to face. In the car, on a walk or while drawing is less like an interview.
- At bedtime. Parents often say it's when children open up. One Mumsnet parent puts it this way: "as soon as it is bedtime they want to go into great detail about their day." Teeth and pyjamas done, lights low, nowhere to be, there's nothing to compete with the conversation.
If you still get "nothing happened"
- Go first. Tell them the best and worst part of your day, then ask for theirs.
- Offer a guess. "Was it when the dog stole your sock?" is easier to answer than a blank.
- Ask one question, not five. A string of questions feels like an interrogation. Psychology Today's Amy Morin warns about this too.
- Hold back on advice. If they tell you about a problem, listen first. A child who gets a lecture will say "nothing" next time.
- Vary the question. The same one every day turns into a habit with no new information in it. Pick a different one each night.
- Let silence be okay. Some children tell you three days later. Keep the bedtime door open.
Turn the answers into a bedtime story
Once you have an answer, you can use it. A blanket fort, a funny moment at lunch or something learned that morning makes good raw material for a short story starring your child. Our step-by-step guide shows how to do it by hand in about five minutes. If you'd rather not make one up every night, Storynite takes the three answers and writes and illustrates the story for you. It's iPhone and iPad only, $9.99 a month or $79.99 a year after a 7-night free trial. You don't need an app for any of the questions above.
FAQ
What should I ask my child instead of "How was school?"
Ask about one specific thing: "What was the best part of today?", "Who did you sit next to?" or "What made you laugh?" Pick a question that asks for a memory, not a verdict.
Why does my child always say "nothing happened"?
Usually because the question is too broad, or because they're tired. Try a narrower question, wait until later in the evening, or tell them about your own day first.
How many questions should I ask?
One or two, then follow up on the answer. A list of questions feels like an interview.
What if my child won't talk even at bedtime?
Some children need more time or a different setting. Try a walk or drawing together, keep the question light, and don't push. If your child is withdrawn for weeks or seems distressed, talk to their teacher or doctor.
What age can I start?
As soon as they can talk. With a toddler, the useful part is talking about a shared event: "We went to the park. Who did we see?" Add your own detail and let them correct you.